We Plan. God Laughs (Part Two)

WARNING: The following blog post contains the details of a birth story. They are not gory details because a.) I wouldn’t want you to think about them, and b. ) I wouldn’t want to think about them either. Nonetheless, read at your own discretion.

Early in the morning on Saturday, October 8^th I woke up to take my usual 3am “pinkle”. I hopped back into bed and lay there wide-awake. The grocery shopping had been done for the week, the house was pretty much in order (as far as “order” goes around here), and the calendar was basically cleared of all activities. So what the heck could I think about to lull me back to sleep? Feeling uber pregnant and begrudgingly realizing that I was now 5 days overdue, I started to convince myself that this baby was never going to come on his own and I should just accept the fact that he would arrive via C-section on the 17^th. [Being the last day of my 42^nd week, this date was set in advance with my OB as a last resort. I referred to it as “Evacuation Day”. If I was potentially going to still be pregnant by mid-October, hell, they pull him out through my right nostril for all I cared…]. Coming to terms with this, I began to mentally pack my hospital bag with a few extra items for a longer hospital stay. I’ll need that black nursing cami and my postpartum pressure belt… Don’t forget the iPod… I’ll grab some magazines tomorrow… Ugh! Stupid cramping again. Eh, I felt this a week and a half ago with false labor. It’s nothing. Besides, I am going to have another section anyway.

We Plan. God Laughs.

Three hours later I awoke to a pretty strong contraction. Hmmm... No biggie. I figured that it was another Braxton Hicks pain and disregarded it until another one came about 10 minutes later. And then another one 10 minutes after that. Since Dan was due to be home from work within the hour, I decided to hold off on calling or texting him. No point in him racing home to wait around a few hours while the steady contractions got stronger and closer together, right?

We Plan. God Laughs.

7am: Dan walks in through the door and I am holding myself up with the kitchen counter. “Brace yourself, Babe. Pretty sure we’ve got a long day ahead of us.” We began timing the contractions in order to get the “go ahead” with the midwives. They were coming 5-7 minutes apart and at 8 am we were told to head on down to Baystate. My mom hurried to our house to watch Caiden and by 9am I was admitted to WETU (the evaluation unit). Upon my first check I was at 8 cm dilated. 8 centimeters?!?!? Yep. It’s baby time. [Except this is not the wording that I used. What I actually said was HOOOOLLLLLLLY SHIT!] I was whisked away to the Labor and Delivery Unit where I was immediately able to receive an epidural. When I had Caiden, this portion of the birthing process was a cake walk so I wasn’t really nervous when anestheosilogy walked in.

We Plan. God Laughs.

Two tries later (after getting the epidural in a vein the first time—yeah, that is pain that actually rivals active labor contractions), I was completely numb on my right side with some sensation still remaining in my left. [This would prove to be a blessing in disguise later on.] Despite some panic because I could still feel part of my lower half, I was able to rest and relax for the next few hours. Dan was able to catch some shut-eye on the pullout couch as I psyched myself up for the work ahead of me while simultaneously watching a “Law & Order: SVU” marathon. Around 3pm my midwife broke my water to get me to that last centimeter that I needed and by 4pm it was “go time”. [Insert another HOOOOLLLLLLLY SHIT! here.] It was at this point that I literally was regretting my whole “let’s go VBAC” decision. This is going to hurt! The process of pushing, however, wasn’t as traumatic as I anticipated. Because I still had some sensation remaining in the lower left quadrant of my abdomen, I was able to tell when a contraction was coming on and didn’t have to rely on a nurse reading a squiggly line on a monitor. This allowed me to really jump on each opportunity to get this little man out. And it worked. Screw you C-section. I am woman. Hear me roar!

From the first contraction to the last push, the entire process took only 11 hours. Ryan Patrick entered the world at 5:06pm weighing in at 7 pounds 6.4 ounces and was 21 inches long. The second he was placed my chest I began crying. Dan kissed my forehead and told me what a good job I did and how the little guy was really, actually, finally here. My tears weren’t for how sweet this little baby was though—that would be saved for later. In that moment, those tears were for ME. And the fact that I had set my mind on something 9 months ago that I so desperately wanted to achieve. And I did it.

God wasn’t laughing then. I think that He was smiling and nodding in contentment, too.