This afternoon my cousin, Grace, delivered her firstborn. I wasn’t there physically. But there is no doubt that I was there, rooting her on, in spirit.
To be completely honest, for many years, I never felt like I was on the same playing field as Grace. We were born 10 weeks—to the day—apart. We shared the same grandparents, yet, in my eyes, it seemed that our maternal heritage was the only thing that we had in common.
Growing up I envied Grace. We have never lived close to one another in proximity. She is from a military family, so every couple of years they would come to visit us in Massachusetts or we would drive to whatever state that they were living in be it Ohio, Illinois, Kentucky... My glimpses into her world were brief, lasting no longer than a week at a time. Yet, from the perspective of a younger version of myself, she had the life that I wanted to live. She was, in so many respects, the person that I wanted to be. At the most basic level of reasoning, I envied her because she was named after our great grandmother. I thought that was so cool—a name with symbolism, a connection, a meaning. She could not only make other people laugh, but had the ability to also poke fun at herself. Everyone in their family has the gift of humor. She was so smart. She was an athlete. And a damn good one at that. Being a part of a military family, she had lived all over the world. She is the only person that I know who could speak German, but with a Southern twang. To that regard, I am pretty sure to that having to move from place to place was probably extremely difficult, but it made her family incredibly close. I truly have never witnessed a bond as tight as theirs. It is beautiful. That alone is something to envy. Her parents were amazing—firm, yet so loving, demonstrative and outwardly proud-- and she had an incredible relationship with both of them. She had brothers. I always wanted brothers—I figured that they would be awesome to have on hand to protect me, to teach me how to be tough. Growing up she had cool things that I wanted so badly. An RV. Neighborhoods that had quiet streets, cul-de-sacs, and sidewalks. And, for some reason, I seem to remember a canopy bed in one of her homes-- but my overwhelming envy could very well be making that part up. I was even jealous that they had the “Schwann Man” deliver Flintstone push-up ice cream pops to her doorstep. And despite all of these amazing aspects of her life, the one, most “enviable” characteristic of Gracie, however, was—and still is—her humility. She is so stinkin’ sweet, that even if you wanted to hate her, you simply couldn’t!
My envy remained silenced within for many years until early adulthood. It wasn’t until the deaths of our beloved grandparents—whose bloodline we shared, whose presence always brought us together, whose passings created deep voids-- that I began to see Grace simply as an individual and not as an individual whose life I coveted. My envy morphed into admiration; My longing into respect. Our correspondences with one another changed as well. We graduated from the occasional letter penned in childish handwriting on Lisa Frank stationary to weekly phone calls to wish each other a “Happy Sunday”. And thanks to things like Facebook, I have been able to see how her life is unfolding through photographs and status updates. As maturity granted us wisdom, education, careers, and husbands, I began to feel more like an equal to her. It is even more so now that we share something else. It is no longer just our maternal heritage, but our own maternal experiences.
Our babies were born 4 months—to the day-- apart. These children, like their mothers, will not grow up in close proximity to one another. But they will share some of the same lineage and, through that, maybe embody a few similar characteristics. A physical reminder of our Grampie or Grammie might cross our babies’ faces through a warm smile or a twinkle in their eye. And then there are the qualities that can’t necessarily been seen. The importance of a good education and making sound financial investments will most likely be imparted, and perhaps our children will love things like poetry or be great at jigsaw puzzles like their great grandparents. No matter what attributes that they might possess, they are both lucky and have no reason to be envious of one another.
Yes, the feelings of envy towards Grace and the life that she leads are now feelings of love and genuine well wishing. Time, experience, and sensibility have all taught me that family is not something to be jealous of, but, rather, joyful for.
Welcome to the world—and to the family-- Baby Clara. And welcome to “Club Mama”, Cousin. I love you both!
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