Mother’s Day Musings

Caiden in 2009

Caiden in 2010

How so much can change in a year...

I am now hours away from celebrating my second Mother’s Day and wanted to take a few moments to relish in the unexpected beauties brought into my life courtesy of a little boy. I think that when most women first learn that they are pregnant, they inundate themselves with text from What to Expect books and magazine articles, and (gasp!) advice-galore (solicited and unsolicited) from others in order to prepare them for the journey that lay before them. I was not an exception to this methodology of early maternity. As with everything in life, I just took a deep breath and leapt in, both feet, swandive-style. I was on mailing lists, networked with other young moms, and researched the ins & outs of everything “baby”. The information from these resources was not be cast aside—most was, generally, right on target. But as cliché as it sounds, NOTHING could truly prepare me for the challenges and blessings that accompany the realities of motherhood.

The first year of being a mother was, yes, exciting at times, but, for the most part—generally OVERWHELMING. I dove in head first, no doubt, but rose to the surface after the arrival of Caiden and quickly realized that I was desperately treading water. And this wasn’t just the first few weeks of motherhood that I felt like, “Wait a second… What was God thinking putting ME in charge of another human being? I can barely remember to clean the lint trap and lose my car keys on an hourly-basis!” The books and advice that I had previously studied never alluded to how hard it would be to accomplish the smallest of daily tasks (i.e.: a load of laundry, bathing, getting out of the house on time with everything you actually need on you). They never warned me that my kid might have reflux issues or hate to be in a room with more than four people in it. They were TOTALLY not realistic with the length of time it would require to actually lose the baby-weight. (Oh, and those workouts that suggested incorporating baby—Rrrrrright!) They didn’t prepare me for the stress that I would feel when my child was being compared to the children of other new parents. (“No. My son doesn’t use sign language.” “Yes. He is formula-fed.” “Yes, that outfit is from Baby GAP, but I bought those clothes second-hand.”)

During the first year, I felt as though I was drowning. But amidst the breaths that I gained from the small, yet triumphant, accomplishments of my baby boy, I finally realized that the only things that were truly crippling me in the waters of parenthood were my own insecurities. It wasn’t until this epiphany—my little brainstorm buoy—that I was able to actually able to cut myself a little slack and say, “Wait a minute. I have a blissful, healthy child in my arms. I gotta be doing something right. Crap! Where are my keys, though?!?!?”

It has been established that it took me a year to figure out that lesson. It definitely wasn’t easy and, by no means, do I swim the seas of Mommy-dom with ease all the time. Every now and then a giant wave will rock my world to keep me in check. It’s a good thing, though. There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance and an even finer line between arrogance and ignorance…

This past year of being a mother has still been challenging. At times, it may actually be more challenging than the first. Lord knows, that I have been saying all along that, “the more a kid can do, the more trouble they can get into.” True to my maternal-wisdom, Caiden learns more and more every day and keeps me on my toes. During “Year Two”, instead of being concerned that he has had enough “tummy time”, I am busy chasing him up & down the stairs and all around the house. Instead of worrying about whether or not Caiden has spit up his entire bottle, I am trying to sneak in an adequate amount of vegetables into his daily meals without him noticing. Instead of freaking out that I am 6-loads behind on the laundry, I am more concerned with keeping my boy from climbing into the washer. God, it’s fun though. And no book could have told me how fun it would actually be.